By I statements are the best way to relay a concern or critical thought to someone else and will make your life much easier for you. You can say something like “I usually cook my pancakes over low heat.” instead of “You should cook your pancakes over low heat.”. For me, I have found my relationships to show significant improvement since using the I message or I statement technique. I don’t like being told what to do or hear what’s wrong with me, you probably don’t either, so my best advice on ALL interpersonal communications is to use I statements instead of you statements.
the you can, i can, know how and do reference for you and me
how to do i/you
i you statements can help you improve your life
Discussion
3 comments for “i you statements can help you improve your life”
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I you statements are good lesson I can use. This is good info. It makes sense for me to not tell other people what to do. It seems like you are judging them when you tell somone, “you should do it this way” and use the you statement. Another option is to say, my friend or someone famous does such and such this way. This can make it a more subtle suggestion.
Some people get upset either way. Also, one may pay attention to the number of “I’s” used in general. It may lead others to believe the individual is self absorbed or “always talks about themselves”. As most things, there must be balance.
communicating with someone is more effective when they are engaged… and maintaining that proper level of objective interchange (no one likes to be ‘talked at’) will relay more info.
when using ‘i’ and ‘you’ and ‘me’ and ‘we’ properly, parties to the communication may find themselves more open to receive the message the sender desires to communicate.
i also find it useful for the sender to adopt only the role of sender to protect the message. the interpreter is a different mechanism altogether… whether it lies inside or outside of the receiver. when the sender desires a certain action, reaction or inference for continued communication, then free thought of the receiver has been compromised…
by relaying an objective message, the sender is attempting to share reality with the receiver… and only if the receiver validates this message as true, will the message be successful.
to do this, the sender can not compromise the thought or will of the receiver. free thought is the product of a free message… when the sender attaches value of any kind, the sender risks contaminating the message with distraction. if the receiver doesn’t (or doesn’t yet) find that value in the message, they may dismiss the message as false!
if we choose objective honest words from a benevolent energy and/or thought, it will be very difficult for malevolence or degradation to compromise communication.